The Catvice Column: Meow from Mr. Cat: Edition 1
Greetings, my fellow humans and kitties! Thank you for tuning into my first-ever “Catvice Column,” where I meow the best advice about life, love, happiness, success, and food.
To be clear: all of the answers you’ll read in my catvice column come straight from ME and ME ONLY. The silly humans here at KitNipBox are just here to type out everything I meow (good thing they’re fluent in cat-speak!).
Last week, we received some excellent questions and I’m excited to share my answers to them. Enjoy!
Question submitted by Jennell L. H. (on behalf of her kitty): even though I have shown my displeasure and repeatedly bitten my hooman, he insists on touching the black spot on my tummy. Any suggestions on how I can reign in this insubordinate slave?
Mr. Cat: tough question! It seems that humans never quite get what we’re trying to meow. Scratches and bites quite obviously mean “no” (…or “play,” depending on the situation) and yet they still insist! Here’s what I think you should do: fart. Fart a very smelly fart. They will leave you and your belly spot in peace.
Question submitted by Trish S. L. (on behalf of her kitty, Gus): the dogs share water with me and Whiskers. They are water hogs! Hissing and ninja attacks have not worked. Do you have any suggestions?!
Mr. Cat: Let the dogs have the bowl of water… Drinking out of a human’s water cup is way better!
Question submitted by Tori G.: Mr. Cat, what is the meaning of life?
Mr. Cat: Head butting and cuddling with my humans! Also, mealtime.
About Mr. Cat: “Mister” (our nickname for him) is a piece of sugar! He was brought to us from the Ladew Cat Sanctuary, and immediately warmed up to everyone in the KitNipBox office. You can often find Mister headbutting us for pets, weaving in and out of our legs and swivel chairs, meowing for food, or relaxing on top of our keyboards.
Mr. Cat is a diabetic kitty, but for him, that just means he can only eat wet food and treats that are made with 100% meat (like freeze-dried chicken). No biggie!
It breaks our heart to report that, despite all of his ameowzing qualities, Mr. Cat still hasn’t found a forever home. While we love him to bits and pieces, we know that an office is no place for him to spend the rest of his life. He belongs in a home with humans who will love him as much as he is sure to love them back!
If you, or someone you know, might be interested in adopting Mr. Cat, please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org!
ox Lots of purrs xo